can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
