Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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