At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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