Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
