thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
