I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
