i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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