Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize