i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
