This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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