Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
