Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
