Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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