I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
