Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
my god I love twenty year old dicks
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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