Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
smell my finger.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Less talking, more tequila
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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