Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
