Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
