Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it because I queefed?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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