When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
