Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
