I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
