I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
