Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
