i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
