we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
