dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
