so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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