we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Congratulations! We have a period
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
