I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no, he came in my armpit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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