I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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