who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
