I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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