the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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