she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
