Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
