I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
