The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
