sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.