I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.