You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
