he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.