theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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