she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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