There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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