there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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