my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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