she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
