So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
