im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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