Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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