I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Someone shit on the floor
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
