yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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