My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
