I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize