Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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