After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
