You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
