Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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