your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
