thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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