If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
