Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize