All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need water and some morals
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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