I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
